“...if you feel everything intensely, ultimately you feel nothing at all.”
“I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.”
“In the meantime, I could withdraw to my room, could hide and sleep as if I were dead”
“Everything's plastic, we're all going to die sooner or later, so what does it matter.”
“I start to get the feeling that something is really wrong.”
“Very early in my life it was already too late.”
“Jesus, I wondered, what do you do with pain so bad it has no redeeming value? It cannot even be alchemized into art, into words, into something you can chalk up to an interesting experience because the pain itself, its intensity, is so great that it has woven itself into your system so deeply that there is no way to objectify or push it outside or find its beauty within. That is the pain I’m feeling now. Its so bad, its useless. The only lesson I will ever derive from this pain is how bad pain can be.”
“I wanted so much to forget the past, but it wouldn't go away, it hung around like an open wound that refused to scar over, an open window that no amount of muscle could shut.”
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