34 Insecure

I don't know what I am doing with my life. I figured out recently that the state of my room depicts the current situation of my mind. I'm definitely acknowledging the urgent need to do something about it. Someone please tap me on the shoulder and remind me that March has sprinted off, and April is in less than 48 hours. I feel like maybe I haven't recovered. These days I can no longer differentiate if I am in control or not, or even if I want to be in control again. Is control a bad thing? I don't even know if  I desire to have that power again. The days have been as triggering as hell especially when I reminisce. Maybe I do want to fall back. Maybe I do want to relapse. Maybe, I will.