I feel so lost without any direction. I tell myself to just let go since the end time is coming (lame excuse, I know) but at the end of the day my mind gives me a war. 

I'm now lying down with a bloated tummy and I cannot feel any worst. 

I feel so lost... I guess I have lost my sense of identity along the way and I am not ready to rid of disorder yet.

I feel so fat, huge, disgusting. I miss being in control. I want to be in control again.

I've gained so much fats I can feel it and it disgusts me so bad. I can't believe I allowed myself to get this huge. I'm such a failure.