Sunday, 13 August 2017
Tuesday, 27 June 2017
Wednesday, 15 June 2016
Sunday, 12 June 2016
Bracing myself
I should consider myself blessed to have someone to share my joys and sorrows with for the past 10 months. (Or less than that because of the distance.) It is bittersweet but 短痛好过长痛. Short pain is better than prolonged pain. What I need now is time to heal. Only God knows what when wrong. I have always been a firm believer of fixing things rather than throwing the towel. I used to think anything can be fixed- it only depends on the party and the willpower. I am always wrong haha. Looks like this is something that cannot be fixed no matter how much I wish it could. I do not understand why are things in this state but some things a heart will not listen to... Goodbye.
Friday, 22 January 2016
Tuesday, 15 December 2015
Just ended my afternoon shift! This week's roster is quite good I guess...? I can sleep in for 4 days. Sleep is very, very, very precious to me. But the downside is that I end so late:-( only the moon greets me when I end. Currently waiting for SQ for our macs supper and my data has been reseted so I guess I can fill up this space!!
Where should I start......
Okay my 20th.??
Heeeh it's been 5 months since I've turned twenty and I still feel like I'm sixteen. I prefer quiet dinner dates instead of a large party. Quality over quantity. 
Meh. So hard uploading photos because I can only do it one by one on the mobile app and I need to scroll up so much just for one pict!!! Anyway, this was at 2am dessert bar. Virgin try and it was guuuud;) you get what you are paying for. I remember I still went to school on my birthday haha. (good student ahem)
Impromptu end but my eyes are tired and I wanna read my storybooks before I eat! Library books are due soon and I still have 2 books I've yet to touch
Saturday, 18 July 2015
Ok, since I'm feeling so dry and extremely unmotivated to get any work done I shall write a little something here... There's so many things I want to blog about... like my birthday, exploration of taka fest with Megan, Timbre night etcetc but SO BLOODY UNMOTIVATED. Or to use another word, lazy.
:(
The week ahead is going to be hell packed.
:(
The week ahead is going to be hell packed.
Sunday, 12 July 2015
Friday, 19 June 2015
Crossed the third month PO two weeks ago! Time really flies. Sometimes I wish I could go back to March, wouldn't mind going thru all those shit again. Feels like I'm in deeper shit currently.
OKAY ANYWAY, I want to update about my doctor's visit today!! It was very cursory, think I stepped out of the room in a brief span of 10 minutes? Buttt it was hilarious I keep on replaying this scene in my mind,
so they wanted me to stand straight and bend down, like try to touch my toes and I was HORRIFIED cause I've never done that ever since op, didn't even know I can bend like that already?!
Dr & PCA: Ok Cheryl bend down! Bend like you normally do we want to check blahblahblah
Me: Huh??? (I was so puzzled like what???)
PCA: It's okay if you're uncomfortable, you can button your shorts and then bend
Me: Bend? What do you mean by bend?
This went on for a while, like it was just 'em asking me to bend and try to touch my toes while I was lost cause I didn't even know I can do such stuffs. They thought I hesitated to bend cos I was kinda exposed. In the end they got the message that it was my first time bending like that after the op HAHAHA
Dr was like, "Alamak?! Then how do you wear your shoes!"
Spent majority of my time in the hospital waiting to take my X-ray then waited again to see the doctor. Was famished so I grabbed a banana cake (SIGH NUH HAS SO MANY GOOD FOOD STALLS :<) after everything was settled then I went for a dinner buffet for an advanced Father's Day!!! Currently over here because I'm too stuffed to do anything except stay put and surf the world wide web so yeappp
Energy all drained out from work, one more week to go. I CAN DO THIS
OKAY ANYWAY, I want to update about my doctor's visit today!! It was very cursory, think I stepped out of the room in a brief span of 10 minutes? Buttt it was hilarious I keep on replaying this scene in my mind,
so they wanted me to stand straight and bend down, like try to touch my toes and I was HORRIFIED cause I've never done that ever since op, didn't even know I can bend like that already?!
Dr & PCA: Ok Cheryl bend down! Bend like you normally do we want to check blahblahblah
Me: Huh??? (I was so puzzled like what???)
PCA: It's okay if you're uncomfortable, you can button your shorts and then bend
Me: Bend? What do you mean by bend?
This went on for a while, like it was just 'em asking me to bend and try to touch my toes while I was lost cause I didn't even know I can do such stuffs. They thought I hesitated to bend cos I was kinda exposed. In the end they got the message that it was my first time bending like that after the op HAHAHA
Dr was like, "Alamak?! Then how do you wear your shoes!"
Spent majority of my time in the hospital waiting to take my X-ray then waited again to see the doctor. Was famished so I grabbed a banana cake (SIGH NUH HAS SO MANY GOOD FOOD STALLS :<) after everything was settled then I went for a dinner buffet for an advanced Father's Day!!! Currently over here because I'm too stuffed to do anything except stay put and surf the world wide web so yeappp
Energy all drained out from work, one more week to go. I CAN DO THIS
Friday, 5 June 2015
Yesterday was a FANTASTIC day cause papers ended (!!!) and I met SQ and we ate, talked, caught a movie! This girl's birthday is in 2 days and she's really expecting a surprise from me. Like she really really really (cannot emphasis) anticipates it. She even taught me how to surprise her... okay...
Got only a one week break till I end PRCP. Someone kill :) me :) please :)
Instead on dwelling on the fact that I only have this one week of holidays till I graduate, I should make the best of it... Missing legacy the second time isn't helping tho :( Trying to comfort myself that even if I am able to go, I won't be able to enjoy everything that's planned out fully so it's fitting I didn't make the cut
Should really do something about the state of my room right now
Got only a one week break till I end PRCP. Someone kill :) me :) please :)
Instead on dwelling on the fact that I only have this one week of holidays till I graduate, I should make the best of it... Missing legacy the second time isn't helping tho :( Trying to comfort myself that even if I am able to go, I won't be able to enjoy everything that's planned out fully so it's fitting I didn't make the cut
Should really do something about the state of my room right now
Monday, 1 June 2015
1st June
Hulloo blank space, it's been a while!! I wish I am consistent in posting so I can reminisce whenever I want to but laziness ALWAYS get the better of me
So, I'm welcoming June with common test week (3 papers back to back- I can do errthang with Jesus who backs me up)
Sigh. There is so much I want to type/say but I don't know where to make a start...
So June is the month I have two dear (very very dear to my heart) friends' birthdays! Goodbye to the money I will never get to save :-))) Hehehe kidding, I take pleasure in spending on people really. Honestly, my birthday is an event I will do anything to avoid. Maybe it's because I always have conflicts on the day itself so I have never truly appreciated it like how I'm supposed to/how others can. BUT I wanna do my best to let my friends feel special on their very special day.
My soul sounds so gleeful in the post,,,,,,, AM I REALLY?
Need to work out, sort my eating habits and body out :( Dr when can I start exercising?!?!
Okay I don't have the feelz to carry on and I need to study so BYE. I'll be backkkk
I have so many half written posts written halfheartedly saved in my drafts. I hope I'll still be able to open them up with the same state of feeling and pick up from where I've stopped
Ps: I think sometimes I type in a very solemn manner and sometimes I don't
So, I'm welcoming June with common test week (3 papers back to back- I can do errthang with Jesus who backs me up)
Sigh. There is so much I want to type/say but I don't know where to make a start...
So June is the month I have two dear (very very dear to my heart) friends' birthdays! Goodbye to the money I will never get to save :-))) Hehehe kidding, I take pleasure in spending on people really. Honestly, my birthday is an event I will do anything to avoid. Maybe it's because I always have conflicts on the day itself so I have never truly appreciated it like how I'm supposed to/how others can. BUT I wanna do my best to let my friends feel special on their very special day.
My soul sounds so gleeful in the post,,,,,,, AM I REALLY?
Need to work out, sort my eating habits and body out :( Dr when can I start exercising?!?!
Okay I don't have the feelz to carry on and I need to study so BYE. I'll be backkkk
I have so many half written posts written halfheartedly saved in my drafts. I hope I'll still be able to open them up with the same state of feeling and pick up from where I've stopped
Ps: I think sometimes I type in a very solemn manner and sometimes I don't
Friday, 8 May 2015
Monday, 4 May 2015
Sunday, 3 May 2015
When God Makes You Wait
Jesus could have come and healed Lazarus when he was still alive.
Instead, He waited to raise him from the dead when he was already in his grave.
God could have made David become king the day after he was anointed.
Instead, He waited 15 years to rise to the throne, many of those years spent fearing for his life, hiding out and running away from his own father-in-law.
God could have spoken to Moses in the desert about sending him to help free His people from slavery 40 days after he ran away from Egypt.
Instead, He made him wait for 40 long years.
God could have gotten Joseph out of prison one year after he was sentenced there.
Instead, he was stuck in that dungeon for 10 years before he was finally set free.
God could have given Abraham the son He promised him when he was still a young man.
Instead, He waited until he was 100 years old and because of physical reasons would have a more difficult time conceiving at that age.
God could have answered prayers and met the needs of these men of God much quicker, but He didn’t.
He made them wait instead.
And He often makes us do the same.
He makes us wait for healing to come after we’ve been praying for years and there is no sign of recovery.
He makes us wait to fulfill His call in our lives after He puts the desire and passion in our hearts to serve Him in a certain way.
He makes us wait to give us the desires of our hearts, whether it’s a baby, a spouse, or a new job.
He makes us wait for direction when we are stuck at a dead end and we don’t know where to go or what to do.
He could answer that same prayer that you’ve been praying for years every night in a millisecond.
That same prayer that has been bringing you to tears.
That same prayer that the longer that it goes unanswered, the more it makes you question whether He even hears.
He kept Moses in a desert for 40 years.
Joseph in a prison cell for 10 years.
Abraham without a child for 100 years.
David on the run for 15 years.
And maybe He is keeping you right where you’re at for the same reason He kept these men for so many years: to build your faith.
To build your faith in a dungeon cell, during the valley in your life where it’s too dark to see and too hard to believe.
To build your dependence on Him when you are barren and empty to see if He is truly all you desire and all you need.
To see how well you will trust and serve Him when you are still stuck in the background somewhere, doing seemingly nothing too significant for Him.
To build your trust in Him when the storm keeps raging, the battle keeps going and breakthrough and victory doesn’t seem near.
See… sometimes the waiting period of our lives is the most important time in our life.
It is during this period when nothing seems to be happening, when prayers seem to go unanswered, when God seems so far away that the most spiritual growth takes place in our lives. That we learn to become more like Him.
It is during this time that we build spiritual “muscle”.
That we grow in faith.
That we learn to only depend on Him.
What are you waiting for today?
What longing do you have that seems so far from ever being fulfilled?
What prayer do you keep on praying that seems to never reach God’s ears?
I want to remind you that God is not deaf to your prayers.
He is not blind to your constant tears, to your desires, and to your needs.
IF He is making you wait, there is a very good reason for it.
If He is telling you “no” today, maybe it’s because He has a better “yes” waiting for you tomorrow.
If He is keeping you in the same place you’ve always been today, maybe it’s because He’s helping build your faith before you enter your Promised Land tomorrow.
If He is not healing you or bringing you victory today, maybe it’s because you will have a greater testimony when He waits to help you be an overcomer tomorrow.
Wherever you are at today know that God is right beside you and that there is a purpose for you. Even if that purpose is to wait.
Don’t give up just because you don’t see anything happening today.
Maybe there is nothing physically happening that your eyes can see but there is definitely something happening in the spiritual realm as you learn to rely on Christ.
Don’t allow your waiting period to make you hopeless about what tomorrow will bring.
Instead, let it build your faith and give you even greater hope for what God has prepared for you.
He made some of the greatest men of faith wait.
Don’t be discouraged if He makes you wait as well.
He will come through for you, just like He came through for them.
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” – Psalm 27:14
- See more at: http://theprayingwoman.com/2015/03/06/when-god-makes-you-wait/#sthash.vwfbyJVe.dpuf
Instead, He waited to raise him from the dead when he was already in his grave.
God could have made David become king the day after he was anointed.
Instead, He waited 15 years to rise to the throne, many of those years spent fearing for his life, hiding out and running away from his own father-in-law.
God could have spoken to Moses in the desert about sending him to help free His people from slavery 40 days after he ran away from Egypt.
Instead, He made him wait for 40 long years.
God could have gotten Joseph out of prison one year after he was sentenced there.
Instead, he was stuck in that dungeon for 10 years before he was finally set free.
God could have given Abraham the son He promised him when he was still a young man.
Instead, He waited until he was 100 years old and because of physical reasons would have a more difficult time conceiving at that age.
God could have answered prayers and met the needs of these men of God much quicker, but He didn’t.
He made them wait instead.
And He often makes us do the same.
He makes us wait for healing to come after we’ve been praying for years and there is no sign of recovery.
He makes us wait to fulfill His call in our lives after He puts the desire and passion in our hearts to serve Him in a certain way.
He makes us wait to give us the desires of our hearts, whether it’s a baby, a spouse, or a new job.
He makes us wait for direction when we are stuck at a dead end and we don’t know where to go or what to do.
He could answer that same prayer that you’ve been praying for years every night in a millisecond.
That same prayer that has been bringing you to tears.
That same prayer that the longer that it goes unanswered, the more it makes you question whether He even hears.
He kept Moses in a desert for 40 years.
Joseph in a prison cell for 10 years.
Abraham without a child for 100 years.
David on the run for 15 years.
And maybe He is keeping you right where you’re at for the same reason He kept these men for so many years: to build your faith.
To build your faith in a dungeon cell, during the valley in your life where it’s too dark to see and too hard to believe.
To build your dependence on Him when you are barren and empty to see if He is truly all you desire and all you need.
To see how well you will trust and serve Him when you are still stuck in the background somewhere, doing seemingly nothing too significant for Him.
To build your trust in Him when the storm keeps raging, the battle keeps going and breakthrough and victory doesn’t seem near.
See… sometimes the waiting period of our lives is the most important time in our life.
It is during this period when nothing seems to be happening, when prayers seem to go unanswered, when God seems so far away that the most spiritual growth takes place in our lives. That we learn to become more like Him.
It is during this time that we build spiritual “muscle”.
That we grow in faith.
That we learn to only depend on Him.
What are you waiting for today?
What longing do you have that seems so far from ever being fulfilled?
What prayer do you keep on praying that seems to never reach God’s ears?
I want to remind you that God is not deaf to your prayers.
He is not blind to your constant tears, to your desires, and to your needs.
IF He is making you wait, there is a very good reason for it.
If He is telling you “no” today, maybe it’s because He has a better “yes” waiting for you tomorrow.
If He is keeping you in the same place you’ve always been today, maybe it’s because He’s helping build your faith before you enter your Promised Land tomorrow.
If He is not healing you or bringing you victory today, maybe it’s because you will have a greater testimony when He waits to help you be an overcomer tomorrow.
Wherever you are at today know that God is right beside you and that there is a purpose for you. Even if that purpose is to wait.
Don’t give up just because you don’t see anything happening today.
Maybe there is nothing physically happening that your eyes can see but there is definitely something happening in the spiritual realm as you learn to rely on Christ.
Don’t allow your waiting period to make you hopeless about what tomorrow will bring.
Instead, let it build your faith and give you even greater hope for what God has prepared for you.
He made some of the greatest men of faith wait.
Don’t be discouraged if He makes you wait as well.
He will come through for you, just like He came through for them.
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” – Psalm 27:14
- See more at: http://theprayingwoman.com/2015/03/06/when-god-makes-you-wait/#sthash.vwfbyJVe.dpuf
Sunday, 26 April 2015
It's just Me.
I'm faulty. Yes, I admit I'm pretty horrendous with people. I'm really inferior. I can't do relationships and I let friendships wither off. How do I salvage the damage? No I don't. Feeding the coward that I am, I run miles away, from the issue that is gazing at me instead of facing up to it. Maybe I can attest that scurrying away from the problem is a solution too? But deep down I know I'm just timid. Sorry, I lack courage. I don't know how to deal with all these shits so I'm just turning my head away and for that I am paying a substantial price. I am losing a friendship. Perhaps I did not lose you. You lost me. I am backing off so no party gets wounded any deeper.
Friday, 24 April 2015
Tuesday, 21 April 2015
Tea with Pea, the other day. She is really God sent. I'm thankful that there are people who are willing to set aside time to spend time with me with no obligations haha. Like wanting to meet me won't benefit her much so ya hahaha you get what I mean. I really want to find that warmth in church again.
Friday, 17 April 2015
Feels
Need to get some things off my chest so this might be a little wordy... Haha but I like to document my thoughts then read it again a few months later and laugh at myself LOL
It's a lonely Friday night and I guess my mind is running wild. I see people posting happy photos on their social platforms. Whether they are genuinely happy that's another question. But fake it till you make it right? Got me thinking... Why do I isolate myself so much? I can use one hand to count how many friends I have in school LOL or maybe I just need a few fingers to count. Maybe it's due to me not taking the initiative? I've never liked taking the initiative in anything and especially in approaching people first. Unless I'm like intoxicated? Hahaha. And that also depends on the situation. Is this normal? I don't know. I feel kind of like abnormal when I can count how many people I can truly depend on sigh. I've no cca and I want to just dash home whenever school ends. That's Cheryl Teow for you.
Currently listening to DJ Ghetto's soundcloud. Not bad what!! #Bias hehehe
Moving on. I think I might want to stop partying once and for all. I guess I'll pray for the desire or whatever to just stop. Truthfully, I like the kick you can get from alcohol but honestly, it makes me feel emptier. The highness is only temporary. After everything is over I feel more empty compared to before getting started. Why do I even go to clubs anyway? Why do I drink just for the sake of wanting to get high? Why do I avoid being sober? Nightlife is expensive and I should be spending my money wisely now that I'll be turning 20 this year. AND I NEED TO LEARN TO REJECT/SAY NO especially when I'm alone.
And thinking about year 3 stresses me out. I'll be having 5 months of attachment in total. Just kill me la. Really DETEST doing shift work. And what do I do after graduation? Or what can I even do??? I really want SAF or SCDF but MY BACK my spine will definitely restrict me. Sigh.
Oh and everyone around me ok almost everyone around me is getting attached and it kind of irks me. Not that I want someone now I STILL WANT TO PLAY and I'm really afraid of commitments and heartbreaks and all that but everyone is leaving me?!?! Who can I call if I want to hang out or chill? People always laugh at me whenever I tell them I do not settle for second best. O.K.
Reminding myself, all these shit feelings will pass. Promising myself I'll return to youth service.
School starts next week and I'll be in a new class yay.
It's a lonely Friday night and I guess my mind is running wild. I see people posting happy photos on their social platforms. Whether they are genuinely happy that's another question. But fake it till you make it right? Got me thinking... Why do I isolate myself so much? I can use one hand to count how many friends I have in school LOL or maybe I just need a few fingers to count. Maybe it's due to me not taking the initiative? I've never liked taking the initiative in anything and especially in approaching people first. Unless I'm like intoxicated? Hahaha. And that also depends on the situation. Is this normal? I don't know. I feel kind of like abnormal when I can count how many people I can truly depend on sigh. I've no cca and I want to just dash home whenever school ends. That's Cheryl Teow for you.
Currently listening to DJ Ghetto's soundcloud. Not bad what!! #Bias hehehe
Moving on. I think I might want to stop partying once and for all. I guess I'll pray for the desire or whatever to just stop. Truthfully, I like the kick you can get from alcohol but honestly, it makes me feel emptier. The highness is only temporary. After everything is over I feel more empty compared to before getting started. Why do I even go to clubs anyway? Why do I drink just for the sake of wanting to get high? Why do I avoid being sober? Nightlife is expensive and I should be spending my money wisely now that I'll be turning 20 this year. AND I NEED TO LEARN TO REJECT/SAY NO especially when I'm alone.
And thinking about year 3 stresses me out. I'll be having 5 months of attachment in total. Just kill me la. Really DETEST doing shift work. And what do I do after graduation? Or what can I even do??? I really want SAF or SCDF but MY BACK my spine will definitely restrict me. Sigh.
Oh and everyone around me ok almost everyone around me is getting attached and it kind of irks me. Not that I want someone now I STILL WANT TO PLAY and I'm really afraid of commitments and heartbreaks and all that but everyone is leaving me?!?! Who can I call if I want to hang out or chill? People always laugh at me whenever I tell them I do not settle for second best. O.K.
Reminding myself, all these shit feelings will pass. Promising myself I'll return to youth service.
School starts next week and I'll be in a new class yay.
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