Scoliosis

Lately I've been reading up intensely on other people's experience of Scoliosis surgery on the net. Damn, I even went to watch a YouTube on what happens in the OT. Bad, bad choice. I won't deny I am scared. Hell, I am petrified. What if I take a long period to recover? What if I can't go back to my "normal life"? What if the surgery fails? What if... I become paralysed...?

I am afraid of IV too, which is something I cannot steer clear of. Shrieks.

Stumbled upon this whilst clearing my room months back. This was an X-ray taken in 2010. 4 years have passed and it is much worse right now. I'm hanging around the late forty/fifty degree plus for both curves I think. It affects me when I see a 'hump' protruding on my right side and my waist, it is uneven. I have to avoid wearing tight fitting tops. It really gets to me especially when I am body checking. I remember being laughed at once in secondary school, but the dude apologised in the end. I have aunts chiding me for not wearing my brace and not taking care of my spine, which I get really mad when I think about it. I do admit if I had worn my brace religiously, I might not be in this sticky situation. What's done is done anyway. Though my doctor said genetics do not play a role in scoliosis, I refuse to believe him. During my last posting, my horrid back felt really sore at the end of almost every 8 hour shift. Not sure if it is due to the shoes I'm wearing or just because.

God doesn't like to rush things right? Everything is made perfect in his image, yes? Holding on to this teeny-weeny bit of faith I have left. It is tiring out every cell inside me and I cannot be bothered to push on and try any more. I am upset. Still I am anticipating August/September. I would want this chapter of my life to close.

One thing my doctor said that lingers in my mind, "Any spine surgery is a major surgery."

Oh, I found out last night King Richard III and Usain Bolt has scoliosis too.